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| 06:48pm 09/09/2007 |
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mood:  annoyed
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i'm filthy dirty
have non descript stains on my shirt from moving tables and hay bales and back stage filth.
11 hours of physical labour and I'm beat.
worst thing evah. I lost my sunglasses whilst moving everything at the end of the day.
my albino eyes cannot cope without shades.
so..my pay from today will go into new sunglasses.
not a new tattoo
not happy |
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| 09:31pm 08/09/2007 |
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i feel as though my life of late has revolved around popping pills and paste and anti inflammatories into my poor little cat
well I guess it has...
one more day to go and a final check up and I might have regained my life.
can't wait!
and I'm sure my brother will appreciate it as well.
the door has finally been closed on the ex and i
with very final words writ (god forbid she actually speak to me), and an agreement to have no form of communication for 12 months.
how one can put a timeframe on the healing process is beyond me, but I agreed, to keep the peace.
seems strange how differently someone seems when all the ugliness of a break up has come between you.
all one can do is keep their head high and move forward.
right? |
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| 03:19pm 28/08/2007 |
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the farine's stitches come out today
but I just had to get another TWO weeks of antibiotics..so the terrorising continues, as does a schedule that revolves around medication times.
so far my bank account has seen $1800 invested into my favourite puss.
I am seriously looking into pet insurance!
my fuse has been short of late and I really don't like that quality in myself.. stress is not good for me.
I'm looking forward to october!
that's when life will start to be less hectic for me... |
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| 10:56am 19/08/2007 |
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mood:  tired music: the throbbing in my head
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today will be the longest I have ever been single...
kinda unbelievable when you think about it.
2 and a half months is nothing.
strange, but the thing I miss the most is the cuddles and the warmth you can only get from those.
ah, I can be so pathetic sometimes!
So my cat has been sick... 5 visits to the vet in the last 2 weeks, 4 courses of antibiotics, an operation.. drains and one of those horrid plastic collars.
it's exhausting, for both of us.
and medication time is very traumatic.
10 more days and the sutures come out, the collar can come off and she gets her life back.
Until then, she is housebound, and oh so melancholic.
for those of you who have met the farine...you will know she would not make a good patient.
She had a 'warning' sign on her cage at the vet!
yup, that's my baby!
anyhoo.
off to work on a sunday.
over and out.
xxx |
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| 12:30pm 24/06/2007 |
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mood:  sad
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I am broken
the divine ms m is no more
she took my heart
when she left my house today
with all of her things that had slowly collected over the last 18 months
she was bleary through my tears
but I could hear her sobs as she started her car and drove away
I'm tired of being unlucky in love
my little soul can't take it no more |
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| 01:25am 08/12/2006 |
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this sunday marks one year since I first met Ms M
11 months since we first made it 'official'
I look back on the last 12 months and think of the emotional path I have walked with her.
so much change
so much soul searching
so much learned
yet I am still learning.
ev'ry day
ev'ry moment I share with her.
12 months filled with so much
yet it feels as though it has passed in the blink of an eye
despite our dramas
despite the tears
and confronting so many fears
i think i'll keep her |
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| 08:19pm 03/11/2006 |
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mood:  sick music: lou rhodes
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i'm sick
methinks it's an after effect of much emotional upheavel and general distaste for my life and all that it beholds.
The last 2 nights I have had the house to myself which has allowed me to run to and from the bathroom all night, cough open and freely in the wee hours of the morning, and make god awful sounds expelling green mucus into my oh so floral handkerchiefs.
The upside of being alone is being able to parade around in socks and flip flops with boxers and a hoodie with wild bed head, and noone is around to cast judgement or point out the inappropriateness of my attire.
I am in the process of trying to train the cat to make me cups of tea and brew me some soul mending broth.
For anyone who has met the farine, you will know she aint doing nothing for noone!
So she just sits by my side and bites me on occasion if I pat her too much... that's true love. |
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| resolution? |
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| 10:04am 22/10/2006 |
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mood:  contemplative music: someone hammering outside
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to cut a very long story short
I'm beginning to think I'm really not cut out for relationships.
One would think that 12 years of work experience in the field of 'lesbian relations' (LR) would render me fit for a long term career path
but I'm just not good at it.
I'm too critical it seems.
Not sure what that means, but if it were a report card i think she would have given me a difinitive "F"
wondering whether I should give horticulture a go... what do they say about the grass being greener....and wild oats to sew?! |
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| sweet valentines... |
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| 11:59am 11/02/2006 |
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|  | Dear Cupid,
This year, I've had my ups and downs in the love department.
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Tosser14 heard that Hellovertigo had dumped me and sent me an inflatable Orthopteroid.
I learned that the movie 'Soylent Green' is an aphrodisiac to Pene... but when they kept screaming “it’s people” I got a little creeped out.
Andthentherewas painted a nude portrait of me. |
So as you can see it's been a hectic year. Can you please make Kinkedriotfemme hook up with me this Valentine's day?
Sincerely,
chuckstah |
| | Take this Quiz at QuizUniverse.com | | ( or, take the 'clean' version at QuizGalaxy.com ) | |
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| 01:56am 09/02/2006 |
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I'm moving house on the 9th March
moving with one of my best friends (see my LJ icon).
We will need a 3rd roomie.
Someone over 25 (at least), housebroken and working full time...oh and female
does anyone know anyone?
2006 is a year of fresh starts for me.
Time to step outta the shadows in which I have been lurking and LIVE.
so new home (almost there)
new woman (my lord, I am SO there and SO in love)
and i hope..a new job
I have a feeling this year will bring bigger and better things.
about bloody time. |
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| 01:33am 09/02/2006 |
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mood: tired music: Ministry of sound: sessions 2
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it's past 1:30am and I remain in this starkly lit room
fluorescent rays burn my eyes
and my lids grow heavier by the minute
music plays in the background...pumping through cheap speakers plugged into my itunes playlist.
Not even sound can ignite me this early morn.
I sit at an alien desk.
remnants of a days work scattered before me.
half scribbled post it notes and water bottles lying half full
flowers wilt before me and sporadically a petal will drop and scare the crap outta me.
less than 2 weeks from now...in fact a mere 11 days, Mardi Gras Fair Day will be done.
Similar footprint to Newtown festival, yet so much more involved.
instead of 7 months to run it, I have had a disjointed 7 weeks.
Launch was last weekend and it was greeted mostly with negative vibes. Lines to bar too long, too much lesbian content, weather not perfect blah blah blah.
Looking back there are things that could have been done better, but given the time frame (5 weeks) and the difficulty we faced coordinating an event at the Sydney opera House, i think I did surprisingly well...
the one thing i have learned - and I have witnessed/experienced it before - the queer community are the ones who are the least tolerant of events run by and for their community.
Strange how main stream press lapped it up, but the queer street mags are tearing us to shreds.
Ugh.
I fear I do not have the energy nor the drive to run withy Fair day to 'make it up' to the precious poofs who didn't agree with launch. Not sure where or how I will come through with the goods.
It all seemed like a good idea at the time..now all i wish for is to turn back time so I may have started this earlier...
ah, self doubt rears its ugly head.
Only one thing remains steadfast and true..and it is this that keeps my head above water.
Ms M...you are my shining light and lifesaving device.
without you i know i would drown in these manic tides and fade into oblivion. |
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| 07:01pm 10/01/2006 |
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i sit
perched in my sauna office
soft breeze from pedestal fan
brushing the hair from my face
your voice moves through me
inside of me
and your laughter lifts my spirits
and sheds light in an otherwise darkened world
your energy astounds me
and your lust
for life
floors me
so beautiful
you
are |
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| so very true... |
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| 10:20am 23/12/2005 |
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mood:  cheerful music: ani di franco: to the teeth
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| new job |
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| 01:08am 25/11/2005 |
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it is with great pleasure that I announce to y'all
my new job
starting in 2 weeks for a 4 month contract.
Event Coordinator with the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras.
hoorah! |
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| brain fried |
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| 07:12pm 22/10/2005 |
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mood: tired music: tegan and sara
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3 weeks today till the festival.
I am at work on a sunday...this is my 95th hour here this fortnight (and I took 2 days off)
posters and program came back from the printers yesterday, they are AWESOME.
(J and Dana..I'm going to send you one each, along with some of the merchandise from this year)
Website is almost complete...finishing it tomorrow, check it
www.newtowncentre.org/festival/index.html
Sam I am is on her way here to do some work...methinks we will buy some alki-hol to cushion the pain of being trapped in an office on a glorious blue skied day.
Sorry for the lack of postings..I just haven't had the time.
doesn't mean I don't think about those i hold closest to my heart...
*love*
Chuck
x |
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| out of curiosity... |
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| 04:18pm 10/10/2005 |
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mood:  stressed music: sounds of stress in my head
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this questionnaire is all about how much you want me!
I'm stressed people...5 weeks till the festival.
Show me love!
1. Are we friends?
2. Do you have a crush on me/are you attracted to me?
3. Would you kiss me?
4. ...with tongue?
5. Would you enjoy it?
6. Would you ever ask me out or go out with me if I asked you?
7. Would you make a move on me in a movie theater?
8. Tell me one odd/intresting fact about you:
9. Would you take care of me when I'm sick?
10. Do you want to tell me something that you couldn't before?
11. If you heard a rumor about me, would you defend me?
12. Do you/have you talk(ed) crap about me?
13. Do you think I'm a good person?
14. Would you let me sleep with you (in the same bed)?
15.Do you think I'm hot?
16. Would you call me just because?
17. Would you ever listen to my problems even if they don't involve you?
18. If you could change anything about me, would you?
19.Would you have sex with me?
20.Would you come over for no reason just to hang out?
21. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you? |
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| undergarment dilemma |
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| 04:28pm 07/07/2005 |
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mood: amused music: little birdy
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over chai and an LSD (not acid my friends) in a cafe
we discussed (among other things)
the origin of "panties"
Amy is CONVINCED North Americans and canadians say panties
Boxers are boxers worldwide, that's an absolute given
Amy and Sam and I *love* the word panties, if anything as a novelty word...it just sounds sexier.
In Australia we call them undies
In England we call them knickers
what do you call them? |
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| Music and people |
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| 12:33pm 02/07/2005 |
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mood:  peaceful music: coldplay
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I find more and more when I pull out a cd from my collection that bands/performers/albums always connect me with people from my past and my present...
At present, the most vivid and emotive to me.
tegan and sara: remind me of "you"...of a late night car trip between newcastle and sydney, sleepy days under madoona, tangled fleece, falling in love on a blue couch, the smells of amercia and bath and body works, care packages in the mail and tears whenever i hear "your number"
moloko: reminds me of "you"... singing out loud in your room, the smells of your candles and incense I can never remember the name of, laughing out loud with mugs of chai warming our hands, the warmth of your energy and your smile, and of course...schnappes in summer.
ani di franco: reminds me of "you"... a voyage of discovery, listening to you sing her songs to me as I dozed in your/our bed, 'growing up' and hitting the scene, the ways you danced in that weird rotational way with your tongue in your cheek...my first adult love.
lamb: reminds me of "you"... learning to re-evaluate my ideals of life and love, challening every norm I had grown accustomed to, allowing myself to leap when never before had I been so terrified, a tumultuous journey that is yet to end...
hooverphonic: remind me of "you"... just one song, i searched for the album to burn it on cd for you, the emotions that surface and prickle my skin, hours online frantically hoping for mail, late night and early phone conversations..that ran for hours, self portraits and those piercing blue eyes, something just waiting to blossom...
random entry I know...but i'm in one of those moods today. |
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| McDeath |
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| 03:47pm 08/06/2005 |
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mood: sick music: outkast - heya
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ugh
went to a women's State AFL function last night - the team got presented with their jerseys ready for Nationals in a month.
I didn't have time to eat lunch yesterday and the function had what could loosely be coined "finger food"..inedible..made the flower arrangements look tempting.
The function ended at midnight and i realised i was STARVING, we walked out of the venue and there in front of us were the eeevil golden arches.
We went in, ordered and I ate it.
first time in over 3 years.
I feel ill.
my body reacted violently, I have turned my back on fastfood in recent months, and mcdeath is the greatest of all evils.
why do we do these things after we drink? |
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| 08:42pm 06/06/2005 |
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grrl flies out in 45 minutes
one week in singapore to fence a world cup
i envy the travel and wish work and finances would permit me to fly away as well
maybe after my trips next year my frequent flyers will allow me a short break to visit overseas friends
she gets sad when she leaves
"its only 6 days"
I can't begin to imagine what kind of state she will be in when she packs to leave for 4 months
My plans had been to meet her in Portland at the end of the year...
I'm not so sure now
My masters next year will be full fees up front, thats $3,600 a semester plus textbooks and we will need a second computer at home. That was my trip to the states and then to Europe after - goodbye my round the world ticket..hello first semester 2006!
My heart and my hopes have dreamt of a trip to Portland for many many months
If it's meant to happen I am sure I can make it happen...
This week while i am alone
mixed cds to burn
letters to write
a huge bed all to myself!
hours online no doubt
nights with friends flirting
ah, the pseudo single life! |
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chuckstah's journal